Blood Red
[size=3][size=5][size=6]A long time ago in the century of clichéd fairytales, a baby girl was born to the king and queen who was christened Blood Red. Sadly the queen died of severe lung cancer and the king, like Hamlet's mother, remarried within a month. Now Blood Red wasn't your typical, picture-perfect princess, in fact she was the exact opposite! She was an aggressive tomboy who had a passion for wresting and was a shameful disgrace for her parent's good looks. Her father was an ignorant aged man, who liked to squander his time in smoking and drinking compared to her stepmother who was a graceful and elegant woman who always radiated an aura of warmth in shiny, curly hair ,only existed in advertisements, and bright red lipstick. Red detested her with unparalleled loathing.
Now fate had decided Red's name because when she was born her skin was an unattractive blotchy red colour, similar to blood clots so she was named Blood Red. Joining the lengthy list of ridiculous names such as 'Snow White' and 'Sleeping Beauty', Red often enjoyed to scorn, although her own name wasn't much of an improvement.
Her stepmother's most beloved mirror was a priceless antique given to her by the king for one of their anniversaries, but to Red it was a symbol of utmost betrayal of her father. One night, when the moon was particularly pallid, and the wind had settled in for sleep, Red crept into her stepmother's powder room and vandalised her mirror, which sat accusingly in the dark corner of the room, spray-painted with colourful expletives.
"Let me be your ruler, ruler..." she hummed, contented with her 'work' and scurried into the manipulative arms of darkness.
The king was furious, the next morning at breakfast, absolutely livid to the point where you could almost see thin wisps of steam trickling out of his ears. The silence at the table grew pregnant apart from the dainty clattering of their knives and forks, like a calm sea before a storm.
"How dare you! Doing such a thing to your mother! When has she ever offended you Red? We brought you up better than that!" the king exploded, loosening the tie around his neck to a more comfortable fit.
"What do you mean how dare me? You don't even know if it was me and she's not my mother, and she never will be!" hissed Red indignantly and glared maliciously at her stepmother who was calmly inspecting her recently done French manicure.
"That's enough, you will not insult my wife like that! Pack some things because I'm sending you to a cabin in the woods!" huffed the king, the worst of his temper had yet to pass, and sent for one of the dry cleaning ladies to take her to her punishment.
Upon arriving at their destination, the lady handed Red the key to the cabin, then left hastily like a thief in a Gucci store. Listlessly, Red slumped onto the coarse blankets of her bed and sighed, feeling unwanted, unloved and unhappy. She wished her mom was still alive, and closed her eyes, desperately grasping at the few, fragile and fading moments of the better times. A few moments later, a smart rapping on the door sent her crashing back down to the harsh world of reality. Who could it be? A thief? A hobo? Red peered through the peep hole and was shocked to see an old, wrinkly granny on the other side of the door and immediately flung open the door and pasted a goody-two-shoes smile on her face in spite of her shock.
"Hello there dear, couldn't help noticing the lights on in this thing," the granny gestured towards the cabin with her wooden cane while Red nodded, too stunned to comprehend what she had just remarked. The granny smirked evilly, because she was secretly a witch in disguise, and Red was her next target which she would turn into a maid. Granny witch knew she couldn't afford to hire one of those expert cleaning ladies who went by 'Prompt, Professional Service' so she put spells on people to turn them into her personal maids.
Craftily, she pulled out her first edition 'Harry Potter' wand out of her copy Chanel bag, while distracting Red with a light-hearted conversation about the weather. One... Two... Three...
"Abracadabra!" she shrieked in her best imitation of Gargamel and instantly Red was enveloped in a whirlwind of dust, which swirled on and on and on until it finally settled to reveal a very unexpected sight - a tabby cat.
"Well that certainly was not what I wished for!" cried the granny witch obstinately but nonetheless scooped up the cat and hobbled into her AS380 -AIR helicopter and whizzed out of sight with the unfortunate cat mewling miserably.
To this day you might be able to catch a glimpse of a witch with her cat in a helicopter - but that's only once in a blue moon.
Moral: Everyone is more or less master of their own fate.
评论
不但反写，还加上现代装备上去。
题目是考试前给的：任选一个童话故事反写。
欢迎大家给给指导。我的思维咋没法跟上她的想象力呢？难道我真的老了？
评论
不错，孩子多大？
评论
不错，lz要鼓励孩子，千万别按照家长的思维走。
评论
"Let me be your ruler, ruler...
hahaha
歌词都上了。
评论
12岁，今年上7年级。
评论
谢谢。结尾是仓促些。
评论
more like showing off her vocabulary than writing a story.
I kinda lost interest after reading a few lines. suggest reading kite runner or life of pie, the wee free men, simple words but amazing story.
I was touched by a 6yo gal's small story before, just very very easy english, but impressive.
评论
No worries, you are welcome to have your own view.
评论
I can't tell from her writing, there are many difficult vocabularies . If you thought story was boring or her writing technique is bad, I can understand, but showing off vocabulary was ridiculous .. Because how many difficult words there?
评论
有show off吗？还好啦，12岁和6岁的用词当然不一样，LZ不用放心上。
评论
Are you talking about a year 6 or 6 years old Gal? As it is totally different between year 6 and 6 years old, year 6 should have far bigger volume of vocabulary than 6 years old.
评论
谢谢你的理解。
评论
不要激动，不要激动。我确实说的是以前我看过的六岁娃的作文，很短但是三四年以后我还记得。
我个人觉得好文章应该是行文用词简练，通俗易读，内容吸引人。受欢迎的小说之类的，一般是我说的这种风格。你娃的文，像以前GRE，托福考试的国内范文风格。不是词汇，组句水平不高，但一看就不像是拿英语当第一语言的。
评论
我女儿是奥州生澳洲长的ABC,她完全是这儿受的教育，中文一个字都不会。我从来没有教过她英文，因力自觉水平不够。
评论
写的挺好。 想象力丰富，动词用的很生动形象。 你女儿大概平时喜欢读小说，也喜欢写，所以到用时可以信手拈来。 Creative writing有很大的个人风格因素在里面，最重要的是形象生动或“ sensational"。 有人愿意读，就是最大的成功。 其他的对于12岁的孩子不用讲究太多。
评论
LZ不要激动。我认为这位H网友的意见很有些道理。
首先无须狭隘理解show off。其实想要表达的是，堆砌艰涩不常用的词汇不会对写作增色多少。但词汇的丰富性又很重要。所以有一个度，有一个用法 - 这就是写作的魅力。
我猜测所说的反写是所谓reverse writing。这确实是一个很好的培训方法。但反写完全不见得只是左换右，上变下，好变坏。如果本来是科幻，把它改到古代场景，西方文化改成东方背景，都可以考虑。
可读性，故事性是这样的写作的king elements。
网上有很多言论不知所谓，但也有不怎么中听的灼见。
以上是我的废话。
评论
谢谢大家的意见。
评论
老师怎么评价？
评论
上星期考的，估计2星期后有打分。
评论
比我英语好很多
评论
应该是用心写的，代入很多个人感情和看法。我小时候，有感情流露的文章也不高兴给父母看。
评论
我觉得你应该是读文科的，比我这学it的说得专业很多，我也学习了。
评论
她是很喜欢阅读，生日和圣诞节礼物她要的是书。一年级，就让我买了70本全集Rainbow Magic. 我心痛我的钱。本人实在不富裕。
评论
我完全赞同你的观点，只是那灼见先是showing off vocabulary, 后又是一看就是英语不是第一语言，真让我无语。小女出生在澳洲，一岁开始上当地幼儿园。
评论
我倒觉得这个年龄的孩子“show off” 词汇是一种好事。她正在写作实践中practice各种词汇的用法, 也能从中探索自己的文风。等年纪大一些，有了更多的阅历，文笔自然会更加洗练内敛。 人不轻狂枉少年，写作也一样，趁着少时，多拿不同的素材风格词汇句风练手，长大才能运用自如。难得这个孩子愿意在这上面费这份心思。 楼主应该好好鼓励你女儿，她很有才，也许十几年后澳洲文坛又出一华裔作家。
评论
工作中写作也是一样的。要变着法用大词显摆。
很头疼
澳洲中文论坛热点
- 悉尼部份城铁将封闭一年，华人区受影响！只能乘巴士（组图）
- 据《逐日电讯报》报导，从明年年中开始，因为从Bankstown和Sydenham的城铁将因Metro South West革新名目而
- 联邦政客们具有多少房产？
- 据本月早些时分报导，绿党副首领、参议员Mehreen Faruqi已获准在Port Macquarie联系其房产并建造三栋投资联