澳洲五年级作文，这是啥水平？

在澳大利亚小学教育



忏愧，5年纪了，第一次看到小儿子的二篇作文，这水平如何？需要如何提高写作呢？

The night sky was aglow with the moonlight of the crescent moon shining through the shattered window like a silvery claw in the night sky. As the piece of the night sky flew ahead with their squalling breaking the silence of the vast sky I had entered with only the sound of the creaking and rusting of the front door to accompany me.With the smell of moist carpet and wood around me, and with the taste of barbequed cockroaches, I had felt what was around me which was mostly just cracking bricks and shattered glass.

I had always thought of what it was like to stay at a haunted mansion. No one had dared to enter the haunted house so I went in by myself. I had gone in thinking that no one had come out alive so what was the point was for me to go in.I had turned the corner and checked out what had happened. Blood and gore had spilt everywhere. As I backed up I spotted an unknown creature devouring a human that was still alive.

As I stepped back as I hear the crunch of shattered glass pieces. I can hear it moving like a heavy drum. The abomination looked as if it was nearly 3 meters tall, with a tongue that was split like a snake's tongue. It had no eyes and razor sharp blades as hands. It vomited blood out and I was horrified.

It looked as if it was in control of the house. When it stared at me the plants looked at me as well with a raging glow. I ran back and bolted out the door as it stabbed me in the back. I was going to be its next meal.

As I crawled my way to the sunshine it dragged me in.Now I am here stuck in this puny cage still bleeding. Only if I could bash my way out.I rested my arm on the side noticing a lockpick. I was just happy I could get out of the rotting old cage. I managed to open the cage’s door as I stumble outside in hopes to not alert the monster.

I stared out at the window as the moonlight entered the room filling it.I stare blankly at the moon as I spotted something.A knife!I quickly put it into my pocket and hid it in the cage as the abomination came down.It growls at me like a bear as it leaves the room.I used this moment to start cutting the wooden bar.

第二篇
Many major crisises like covid, global warming and extinction have accured.Deforstation is a major crisis that is discussed for being removed or letting it continue.Here are some pros and cons if deforestation should continue.


Primarily, deforestation is the cause to many other major problems like global warming and extinction.Global warming can occur if too many trees are cut down, resulting in carbon to be released into the air.This will cause the icebergs to melt and make the sea level rise for 65-70m high causing floods and flash floods.

Another con about deforestation, is that it can cause extinction.With Australia's fires in 2019, and still letting deforestation continue we are putting the animals at great risks of losing homes or being harmed.

A pro about deforestation is that is can be used to make room for housing, farm land and cities.The wood that is cut down can also be paid for money to donate to important businesses like charities and animal sanctuaries.

Deforestation is a major problem globally and can cause many other major problems.There are also pros about deforstation.What side will you pick?



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pu 给几分？

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比我娃写的好

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感觉一般般。。有些语法拼写错误不仔细，不知道是不是放到上来打字造成的。
第一篇还可以。第二篇写得非常一般。论述段落都很生硬。

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PU是什么?

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感谢了，看来我是需要关心一下，帮他看看怎么辅导了。

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考试够用了，不要追求满分，时态和语法方面还可以再加强一下。如果从句不是特别熟练，把长句分为两个短句能避免被扣分。

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感觉小朋友想写很多但词汇量有些贫乏，同样的词在一个段落甚至句子里重复出现有点显得幼稚（没有贬义），增加词汇量是要点

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感觉小朋友想写很多但词汇量有些贫乏，同样的词在一个段落甚至句子里重复出现有点显得幼稚（没有贬义），增加词汇量是要点

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感觉小朋友想写很多但词汇量有些贫乏，同样的词在一个段落甚至句子里重复出现有点显得幼稚（没有贬义），增加词汇量是要点

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我30岁还自愧不如

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我让女儿学习了一下第一篇，她给出如下的评论，当然只是她自己的感觉，共楼主儿子参考：
第一、第二段描写得非常到位，语言应用得很出彩。但是更衬托出后面的描写有些马虎，给人虎头蛇尾的感觉，所以应该不是他语言应用的问题，而是到后面没有时间或者没有耐心去想了。
另外女儿的老师在讲写作的时候强调 show not tell。有些感情如果能通过表情、语言等体现出来，比之间用一个词说出来更体现语言功底，而且给读者以更广阔的想象空间。
整篇文章的时态不对应，女儿说大部分她的同学在这一点上出现问题的不多见，是不是因为楼主的儿子不是从小说英文的原因呢？这只是我的猜测，但这不是问题，只要提醒一下，就应该没有问题的。
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