今天小孩将她在学校Writers Workshop发表的文章给我看，让我评价一下。
但是，但是，俺英文水平实在有限啊，这文章又挺长的。。。。。请各位大神帮忙花点时间给看看，给个客观评价，谢谢了。
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitle (无题？）
The blazing sun shone over the entire school,
I stoked my silky long hair and opened my boring spelling textbook.
‘Page 44 please.’’ Mr. Grumpybottom shouted across the room. I looked out of the window and saw primary school kids playing in the sun, now I know what it feels like to be a bird in a cage.
I stared dreamily into the clear blue sky with splashes of clouds, I wondered if my mother is up there. Happy, free and healthy, I wished that I could be there too.
My mother died from a heart attack, no one knows why but I can still remember how she died. The last words she said was
‘I know you’ll get a good grade and a successful future.’
‘Briar, what is our third school norm?’ Mr. Grumpybottom shouted as he raised his eyebrow
‘We respect each other’s ideas.’ I grumbled grimly.
‘And were you following it? He said while raising his second eyebrow.
‘Maybe, maybe not.’ I grumbled this time but feeling playful.
‘To my office door!!!!!’ he shouted and the window cracked.
I walked slowly to the big blue piece of wood and walked pass my nemesis.
‘Epic fail!’ Raven whispered gleefully.
Leaning on the cold hard block of wood, I held back tears and glanced at Holly, I wished I could be her, she always gets good grades. Holly is Mr. grumpy bottom’s favorite little girl, no one likes that teacher, Holly says that he is the best teacher ever which is one hundred and ten percent not true!! I am not sure but she always looked lonely as if her only ever wish was to get a person who understands and care for her, a friend.
As darkness fell, the stars twinkled like a million tiny diamonds. My eyelids felt too heavy and eventually dropped. Ringgggggg!! I reappeared in a familiar classroom with a teacher who told me that I got A+ on my least favorite subject, spelling. When I gleefully got home, I saw my mother having trouble to breathe and her heartbeat slowed and stopped. ‘Noooooooooo!!’ I opened my eyes and flung up with beads of sweat on my wet forehead. That wasn’t a dream, it was reality.
I closed my eyes and began to cry uncontrollably, my mother actually died in the exact same way. I would do anything to see her again, anything.
‘Ringgggggg!!!!’ recess bell went. Twenty kids rushed out the door at the same time like a group of birds flying free and raced to the playground. I jumped on the slide and slid down. I suddenly saw a piece of floor slowly open up to reveal a hole in the ground, I inched closer towards it, It looked a little small but enough for a person to fit in, the sound of flowing water caught my intention and I thought that it would be okay to jump in. So without thinking twice, I jumped in.
‘What are you doing Holly?’ I asked with my feet dangling.
‘Saving your life!’ Holly said awkwardly.
Holly was holding on a vine with one hand and holding my hand with the other.
I closed my eyes and squeezed her hand, I felt beads of sweat dip down my blood red cheeks, it sure did look like a big drop and I immediately looked up.
I suddenly realized that we were slowly descending; the piece of vine was getting thinner as Holly looked at me with her frightful eyes and it snapped! I felt the cool air ruffle my hair as I fell down into deadly darkness at the speed of light. I swore I would never let go of Holly’s hands.
‘Splash!!’ We landed in a pool of liquid. Slimy, red, sticky and gooey.
‘Briar! Help!’ Holly called out
I quickly swam over and frantically tried to find Holly’s arm. I finally found it, grabbed her by the arm and swam to shore.
I tried to dry off but I had no towels, I managed shake some off the water off but I was still wet. I stared at Holly in shock; she stared back at me scared.
‘Where are we?’ I asked hastily
‘Isn’t it oblivious?’ holly replied, she seemed so smart and brainy
‘Easy for you to say, I don’t pay attention in class.’
‘We are in the school sewers’
We began chatting like old friends, I told her all about my dream and how bad I was at exams. She told me that she could help me with some of my homework. I also told her about raven and how the floor opened up and how Raven was looking very suspicious.
She asked me why I got in trouble in the morning and I said that it wasn’t my fault!
Suddenly, I saw a figure in the distance. She was wearing a silk dress and her hair in a bun. Somehow she looked blue and unreal.
‘mother？Is that you’ I asked with hot tears in my clear blue eyes.
I sprinted towards her; tears of joy flooded my face. Her hands were outstretched as if she’s waiting for a hug.
‘Briar, noooo!’ holly screamed at the top of her lungs.
To my surprise, I ran through her and stopped a centimeter away from a cliff.
‘Briar, behind you! Holly shouted even louder.
A pair of rough hands grabbed me and I was pushed right off the cliff and miraculously held on.
I finally found the courage to look down and saw a bubbling molten liquid, and I immediately remembered what it was despite that I hardly ever pay attention in class, lava.
‘Raven, why are you here?’ I asked with a combination of surprise and curiosity.
‘Ha-ha! How did you not know? Raven answered, she looked so happy and gleeful and she couldn’t stop laughing.
‘You see, I was the one who opened the sewer trapdoor, and I was the one to create a phantom of your beloved dead mother.’ She laughed harder.
‘Why would you do this?’ I asked now scared.
‘Ha ha’ she didn’t reply.
I saw Holly looking terrified and brave at the same time, she took a big run up and pushed Raven so she fell down into the molten liquid, I didn’t dare to look so I just closed my eyes.
‘Hold my hand.’ Holly said with a kind voice.
She really had changed, she wasn’t the shy, scared Holly anymore, and she was the brave and kind Holly that everyone likes.
‘How are we going to get back up?’ I asked
‘Remember the vine; I still have some with me. Holly said merrily.
We found a rock and tied it to the vine and threw it up, it landed on a ledge. One by one, we began our journey back into the school yard, sunlight leaked though the tiny door and we followed it and found our way back to school.
‘3:30, school’s finished’ Holly checked her watch.
‘Can you help me with this question, asked ten times twenty-six? I asked
‘Two hundred and sixty.’ Holly answered.
On the next day, I arrived at school feeling so happy.
‘Morning’ Holly cooed.
Before school, holly helped me study for my spelling exam, I feel super confident now thanks to Holly.
‘Briar, A+’ Mr. Grumpybottom shouted as usual in his loud voice.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! Briar, the world’s worst speller got A+ on her spelling exam! That would’ve gotten headline news!!
‘Briar, I know you are very upset about your mother, but you have to move on with life.’
Holly said kindly.
‘You’re right! And I know just how to start it. I said confidently.
‘How?’ Holly asked curiously.
‘A question, will you be my friend forever?’ I asked Holly.
评论
yes, BFF
评论
没文化，不懂啥意思？
评论
啥也不说了，加精
评论
同没文化啊！看不懂啊！
就看了最后一句，所以回答一下
评论
希望你和你们家小孩能一起与时俱进啊
评论
very long story
评论
写得真好！时空的转换很老练。
评论
花点时间读一下？
评论
这是小学生？
评论
是啊
评论
看到英文有点头疼
想问一下，是几年级的小朋友写的。
评论
和我一样的头疼。。。。
5年级
评论
小朋友是harry potter粉丝？
评论
请问您自己英文水平有限，是如何辅导引导小朋友写作的？
写得真得很好。请问故事内容是编的还是真的？
评论
挺喜欢的
评论
太神奇了！才5年级啊。
评论
没有辅导啊，也无法辅导。
内容是编的，人没死
评论
看着挺不错的，鼓励她继续写下去，这样以后英文写作就会非常出色的。
评论
如果你读英文头痛，有空让你们家女儿看看？谢谢了
评论
太好了。明早红版一定会翻译的。
评论
O(∩_∩)O哈哈~
你也评价一下
评论
文笔不错，适合阿丝翻译
评论
现在不是翻译的问题，是要回答小孩的问题
评论
是你女儿写的？:o
评论
五年级有这水平, 读oc的?
评论
我也写不来
评论
普通公立小学
评论
哈哈.....妈妈平时是不是管得多而严？孩子的潜意式被写入她编的故事里。
写得很好
评论
是吗？发现阶级斗争新动向了。。。
澳洲中文论坛热点
- 悉尼部份城铁将封闭一年，华人区受影响！只能乘巴士（组图）
- 据《逐日电讯报》报导，从明年年中开始，因为从Bankstown和Sydenham的城铁将因Metro South West革新名目而
- 联邦政客们具有多少房产？
- 据本月早些时分报导，绿党副首领、参议员Mehreen Faruqi已获准在Port Macquarie联系其房产并建造三栋投资联