https://www.smh.com.au/culture/b ... 0220805-p5b7o9.html
As a child of immigrants, my choice was clear: be a doctor or be a disappointment
My parents wanted to create something better for my sister and me, but that had nothing to do with happiness.
By Jess Ho
AUGUST 11, 2022
Iwas raised to have no personal ambition. Instead, I was culturally required to fulfil my obligations. They were the expectations my parents had for me as an immigrant child after settling in a dusty, foreign land. My parents, like thousands of others, left Hong Kong in the years leading up to the handover for a country they had never even visited before. They went searching for a better life and placed all their hope in the only thing they’d ever known: the Commonwealth.
They had ambitions that couldn’t be fulfilled in one of the world’s most densely populated financial hubs as it entered a period of undefined, and potentially non-democratic, rule. They gave up their jobs, packed up their lives and fled to an outer suburb of Melbourne in the 1980s. They had two children. First, my sister. Then, me. Before we were even born, they defined our paths for us. Our options were: doctor, lawyer, engineer, or disappointment.
It’s a long-running joke to be the Disappointment Child when you’re an Asian kid. It is what most of us end up as. It’s not just that we have failed to climb the social and economic ladder, bridging the gap between minimum-wage immigrant and highly educated, white collar, respected member of society in a single generation – it’s also because we have wasted all the time, money and sacrifice that was spent to get us there.
I had no childhood. As soon as I was capable of sitting upright without assistance, I learnt to play the piano. When I wasn’t at school, I was practising scales, learning pages of sheet music, how to sight read and memorising bars at a time, every day of the week.
On Saturdays, I went to Chinese school to learn how to speak and write in Mandarin. After, my sister and I would be carted off to tutoring. This wasn’t extra study to help us catch up on subjects we didn’t understand. It was advanced, out-of-school education, learning the curriculum years beyond the standard syllabus to help us either earn scholarships to private schools, a place in the state’s highest ranking selective school, or to ensure we graded the highest in every class we took.
On Sundays, we went to church. I was drowning in homework, exam preparation and piano practice. I hated it. I had no hobbies, no personality and no friends. I was socially inept because I couldn’t relate to my peers. I was constantly frustrated in class because the other kids didn’t automatically grasp ideas, concepts and structures as soon as they were laid out for them. The teachers sent me to the library so I could “independently study”, which was another way of saying, “Stop discouraging the other students for being normal”.
By the time I did my VCE, I was burnt out. I was depressed. I was sick of institutional learning and I didn’t care about my TER score. I knew I would make a terrible doctor, lawyer or engineer because I was (and still am) an antisocial germaphobe who is not great with numbers. It was too late for my sister. She studied physiotherapy at university but cut her career short because it wasn’t until she graduated that she realised she didn’t enjoy treating people.
I realised that being beholden to my parents’ dreams was as much a dead end as not fulfilling them. I had to realise what I wanted out of life.
I hid myself in a creative arts course so I could dissect thought processes, the human condition and creative connection. I immersed myself in people and practised human interaction. I inched my way towards a sense of self. I was fascinated in observing individuals, trying to understand them, their motivations and actions.
I watched people obsess over fine details and break down over imperceptible imperfections. I saw pride, ego and greed in the strangest forms. I strived to emulate the kindness, greatness and strength I saw in others, all the while stumbling through a range of vocations.
I’ve been a student, a waiter, a business partner, a business owner, an editor and a reviewer. I was good at them, too. But being good at jobs didn’t give me a sense of accomplishment. Because for all these titles and the ambitions my parents tried to force on to me, I didn’t find pleasure in chasing external approval. My aspirations are constantly shifting because I’m pursuing internal fulfilment.
It sounds simple, but all I desire to be is a good person who is happy. After all, when my parents left everything they’d ever known for something better, shouldn’t that something better be as basic as happiness?
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在澳洲，基本上只要不是懒，都会有一份比较体面的收入和工作。卷啥卷，要卷你自己去卷，不要逼着别人卷。
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我女儿看了这篇文章，说
If her parents want her to become successful, they should at least let her socialise so she knows how to cooperate with others.
Also, not all immigrant parents set such standards for their children. My parents are immigrants and I play piano and learn Chinese as well. However I enjoy doing it, not because I am forced to.
Generalising is so cliche, but I guess one should not complain. After all, publishers are also failures, according to this article, or what they publish.
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我女儿说了同样的话，她觉得作者的一些用词，很容易让外界加深对亚裔移民的偏见。
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今天看到小红书--澳洲老师讲写作，英文写作的目的就是为了影响别人。所以用字非常有讲究。
中文作文讲究的是辞藻。去年中国的高考高分范文，我就没看懂，更别说影响我了。
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她说的有一定的道理。
任何事都要有个“度”。也就是要有个合理的期望值。
举例来说，一个80分的孩子，推到90分左右，也许是合理的期望，但是逼着这孩子拿100分，就有点过分了，不一定达得到不说，付出的代价就很大了。
这个”度“的问题，是最难掌握的。
还要说一句，国人的那个”人定胜天“，“人有多大胆，地有多大产”的想法，真的不可取。
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中英文写作的区别在于不同文化背景成长的人被打动的点不同
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从这篇文章能看出父母的一些问题，但罪不至一棍子打死。
挖了一下书评，小姑娘15岁离家出走了。可见矛盾多大，作者的父母读来该有多难过。
只能一声叹息
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不喜欢被代表。我跟我身边推孩子读医的朋友属于少数
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我也这么觉得，这篇文章有点以偏概全，容易加深对亚裔移民刻板的印象。当然，很多想她父母那样80年代老移民或者抱有传统想法的人，会觉得这些少数职业适合华人并容易所谓成功，其实这条对于一代移民也许成立。但是，作为出生成长在这里的二代，他们有我们没有的优势。脱离了语言的束缚，早早的接触了本地的文化价值观，他们拥有了更多的人生选择可以活出自己喜欢的人生。我相信新一代移民会更加open，不会把自己的观点强加在后代身上。难道让子女们拥有自己觉得快乐的人生不是每个为人父母的愿望吗，如果不是，那么就太自私了。不要让后代痛恨原生家庭，那是一辈子的事情。
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看完SMH链接原文，新闻原来是为推广她的新书造势，怪不得了。感觉不能太当真。或者有断章取义的可能。
Jess Ho’s memoir, Raised by Wolves, published by Affirm Press, is out now, $29.99.
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所谓戏剧冲突
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这篇文章只代表她自己，仅此而已！而且用自己的感受来得出一个群体感觉的结论！经常有人用自己狭隘的观点去代表整个群体！
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这算是上一代人的故事了吧
作者父母在80年代移民澳洲的
和现在里的家长差不多是2代人了
很反感就这么被代表了，你就说这是你自己家的事/个例，凭什么代表其他ABC 呢？
就为了推自己的新书，有点不择手段
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都不用加深。
那天有一个不认识的老太太在咖啡馆里和我女儿聊天，问她，你最喜欢什么科目？
我女儿说，数学和科学。
老太太说，typical Asian. Do you like them or your parents want you to be good at those? Don't you like creative writing?
我女儿说，I prefer to say I am a typical preteen. I do what I like and don't care about what others might say.
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所以她成为了医生吗？
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真是可笑，她们家庭教育的问题怎么可以代表全部asian kids? 反正主流社会最喜欢这种文章了。
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小学的孩子或许还可以推一下，到了中学并不是父母想push就可以的了，特别是在这里长大的孩子，都挺有自我意识的。到了中学阶段，父母的期望也仅只是期望了吧，孩子毕竟要过自己的人生，内心的热爱才是推着自己往前走的动力。
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这个人为了卖自己的书 不惜继续刻画那个古板的亚裔形象 以突出自己不属于其中 加入到了所谓主流认同的价值观中
这个刻板的亚裔形象本来就是别人竞争不过然后给设定的一个套 作为亚裔本应发声去反抗并且纠正错误的认识 作者还继续利用并洋洋自得 一副我跳出来了成为了别人认同的非典型亚裔的感觉 哎
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不过我那天看了一篇研究文章，研究对象是15个过去澳洲奥数队的，在IMO上拿过奖牌的。研究文章上有一个图表，显示他们后来大学和工作上的选择。15个人里四个亚裔，这四个亚裔除了一个以外，大学都选择了学医。其中一个人在采访中说，是因为家长的希望，唉，后来他应该是有点儿后悔了，说，在大学学习里完全没有继续学习数学的资源和时间，原话忘记了，大概意思就是大学还想学，但是没地儿学。
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澳洲本来就是个多样化，言论自由的社会，不存在什么谁要代表谁的问题
现在新一代的移民教育背景，社会经历，经济条件更趋多样化，希望将来的第二代有更多的机会，更好地融入社会吧
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应该说一小撮亚裔父母是这样的，尤其是早期的一些父母，给大家造成刻板印象了。
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现在的年轻父母哪有这样？这篇文章早就脱离时代了。现在写这个除了给亚裔减分带来偏见歧视，看不到任何积极作用。主流社会就喜欢挑这种文章来证明亚裔的好学勤奋都是错误的。
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很赞同，因为学不过你，那我就搞臭你的现实版。
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为什么要否认呢？在教育版里，随便点开一个帖子，十个里面至少七八个，多多少少会提到读医，考医，好像这个世界上，除了做医生，别的都不配被叫做“职业’.
一众补习从业者们，更是从各个方面，各种角度，证明拼命补习，力争读医才是唯一的出路。
为什么要考OC，为了进精英，为什么读精英，神队友加持，学校分有优势，更大机会进医科；
为什么学Chinese 5，scaling 高，要那么高的scaling 干什么，考医有优势；
为什么学拉丁，4U数学，scaling 高……
为什么选IB，分数换算占便宜，容易进医科……..
貌似除了考医，scaling, 都不知道怎么聊天？
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不是有个牛娃，成绩太好也去学了医科，后来发现数学才是真爱，退学去华尔街挣大钱了。只能说学医对于最top的孩子来说是性价比很高的选择，但是如果最后发现不是自己的最爱，还是可以重新选择的。我记得几年前看过smh的报道，JR有个孩子高考完选了医科，后来发现音乐才是真爱，现在是钢琴演奏家了。
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对，应该就是早起。刚才FB上这篇文章底下有人问，为啥移民父母这么看重教育，看重做医生。有人回答因为他们是移民，教育是唯一的一条让生活变好的出路。
呵呵，这得是啥时候的移民。就不能是因为技术移民父母，本身就受过好的教育，所以重视教育吗。
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赶明儿有空做个统计吧。前100主贴里多少讨论学医的。前50个帖子的所有回帖里有多少人提到要学医的。
：）
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你好好看看文章吧
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我看到好几位来说选医是因为分数太高，成绩太好，不选医浪费了。
确实有很多很多人还觉得读好书就是为了好就业。所以选择学科也和收入去挂钩了。这个需要时间去影响和改变。
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